dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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