I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize