Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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