I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
too bad you live with your parents still
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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