chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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