We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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