Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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