is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
