I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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