This is not my ceiling
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
