Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
