You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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