You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
