At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
