3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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