There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
im on a boat
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