so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
