My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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