you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
