Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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