I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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