Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
