i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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