yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize