I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
