Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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