So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
