y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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