he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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