I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
