Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
