some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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