Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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