I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize