Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i love accidental penises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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