Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
