Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
