I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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