she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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