Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
