don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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