Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
