I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
