I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
