The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my poor anus
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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