as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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