Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
