he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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