Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
