Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize