Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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