So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
