so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
