I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
