Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
