Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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