I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
tell me about the fingering
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